Around a year ago, I took three days and stopped talking.
And watching tv. And using the computer. And texting.
I just had me, and my books, and a notepad, and silence.
And I’m going to do the same again this week, for the next three days.
I don’t do anything special. I don’t go on a retreat or anything.
I don’t want to sit in silence and sleep in a bag in a house of strangers. Not for me.
So I stay home and I unplug.
And I love it.
Don’t ever step on a scale
You don’t need one to adequately asses your health. Scales just make you hate yourself.
Get loads of sleep
You need it.
Talk to people
You’re fascinating. Don’t forget that.
Meditate
Often. Make time if you think you don’t have it.
Don’t dye your hair
It just damages it and nothing will ever suit you better than your natural color.
Learn the power of “no”
Don’t do anything you don’t want to do. Channel that energy into being happy instead.
Express love
And do it often.
Tell the truth
It’s scary as hell, but the weight that lifts from your shoulders is worth it.
Laugh
Find something funny. Everything is funny with the right perspective. Laughter heals.
Be around animals
Animals are innocent and beautiful and hilarious.
The things I hoped people would notice about me:
My collection of Scientific American magazines
My real fur collar
My designer purse
My diamond earrings
The physics lecture playing on my computer screen
The music playing in my car
The people I know
My book collection
The things I hoped people wouldn’t notice about me:
That I’m frightened
That I was probably lying to them about something
That I’m not really that smart
That I have literally no idea what I’m doing most of the time
A couple of weeks ago, I went to an open mic night for poets and songwriters.
Three words:
Not. My. Scene.
(Stick with me through these next few paragraphs – there’s a happy ending)
I “don’t like” artistic, creative people. I don’t. I considered myself a musician when I was younger. I studied music all my life. I went through that “Music Is Life” phase many of us go through. I wrote awful poetry and bad songs and sang through a microphone plugged into a guitar amp in my bedroom.
And now creative types remind me of the sad, lonely, messed up teenager.
I’m very uncomfortable around people who express themselves. Ultimately, I find them narcissistic.
I am fully aware of the irony as I write my blog as a means of expression.
I hated performing in front of people. I knew deep down that I wasn’t really that good. I was terrified of making a fool of myself. I knew how mean I was to the people who weren’t very talented, and my inner critic quickly became the loudest voice in my head.
I grew to dislike music, musicians and the whole “having emotions” thing.
But my friend and sponsor (I’m a sober alcoholic and clean drug addict) is a poet and I wanted to go out and support her as she was performing that night.
It was a small, Ethiopian food place with around 8 tables and a tiny stage. I’d never had Ethiopian food before. It’s not bad, actually.
So, we settled in and one by one these people got up on stage and they did their thing.
They expressed themselves.
And they were all nervous.
Because they were being honest.
That’s what honesty is… It’s being completely open and having the courage to face whatever consequences that brings you. And that is terrifying.
And the consequences… Were awesome.
The great thing about this event was that the audience was made up mostly of creatives, so they had an implicit understanding of the courage it takes to get up there and do your thing, whatever that is.
They weren’t always applauding the song or poem that was being performed, but they were always, without exception, applauding the courage and the honesty of the performer.
I know I was.
For the first time, my inner critic shut up for a little while.
And I got to appreciate the awesomeness of people living life, and doing what they love.
I still find emotional expression awkward and a bit uncomfortable, but it inspired me to be more open myself because even if people don’t appreciate the content of what you say, some of them will appreciate your honesty.
Lie: I was really busy
Truth: I was watching Netflix in my pajamas
Lie: I’m going to be swamped for the next little while
Truth: I’m probably mad at you for something and I’m feeling passive aggressive about it
Lie: I don’t feel very well
Truth: I don’t want to
Lie: I don’t know where the time went
Truth: I do know, I just don’t want to admit how much time I actually spend watching Netflix in my pajamas
Lie: I can do that
Truth: I’m going to Google it when you’re not looking
Lie: Yeah I totally did that!
Truth: I’m either going to white knuckle through this and hope you don’t see through me, or scramble to do it before you notice I haven’t already
Lie: I don’t think I can tonight
Truth: I can’t be bothered to shower
Honestatis Veritas 